The Partner's Guide
After-birth wellbeingBacche ke baad jab wo toot si rahi ho
A warm, practical guide for the partner of a new mother who is struggling after birth: what the low days really mean, what your steadiness can do, when to reach a doctor now, and how to face it together instead of leaving her to cope alone.
Kuch theek nahi hai, aur aap ise dekh pa rahe hain
Jis aurat se aap pyaar karte hain, agar bacche ke aane ke baad se wo udaas, ghabrayi hui, roti hui, ya bas apne jaisi nahi lag rahi, to aap kuch galat nahi soch rahe. Sach mein kuch chal raha hai, aur aapne ise mehsoos kiya, yahin se madad shuru hoti hai.
Shayad wo roti hai aur har baar bata bhi nahi paati kyun. Shayad bacche ko lekar ek chinta use jakde rehti hai jo rukne ka naam nahi leti. Shayad wo chup aur door si ho gayi hai, ya chhoti chhoti baaton par jhalla jaati hai, ya baccha aakhirkar so bhi jaaye to bhi wo jaagti padi rehti hai. Shayad wo baar baar kehti hai ki wo theek hai, jabki aapke andar ki har cheez keh rahi hai ki wo theek nahi hai.
Aap use kisi se bhi behtar jaante hain. To jab jis insaan se aapne shaadi ki, wo khud ke liye hi ajnabi si lagne lage, to us ehsaas par bharosa kijiye. Janm ke baad ke hafton aur mahinon mein udaas, ghabraya hua, ya apne jaisa na lagna aam baat hai, aur yeh ek pehchani hui sehat ki dikkat hai, koi kamzor charitra nahi.
Yeh kitaab us par koi label nahi lagayegi. Wo sirf ek doctor hi kar sakte hain. Yeh kitaab bas itna karegi ki aap samajh sakein ki wo shayad kis daur se guzar rahi hai, aur aapko dikhayegi ki aapka saath mein hona sach mein kya kar sakta hai.
Zara sochiye ki uske din ab sach mein kaise beette hain. Tooti hui raatein jo kabhi asli neend mein nahi badalteen. Ek shareer jo abhi bhi bhar raha hai. Ek nanha sa insaan jise har pal uski zaroorat hai aur jo abhi badle mein kuch de bhi nahi sakta. Aur in sabke ird gird, sab ki nazron ka chupchaap dabaav, har kisi ki apni raay, aur wo ankahi "log kya kahenge" agar wo us tarah na khili khili dikhe jaise ek nayi maa ko dikhna chahiye.
Isme se kuch bhi uska kamzor hona nahi hai. Yeh zindagi ka ek kathin, thaka dene wala daur hai jo ek aise shareer aur man par aa pada hai jo pehle se hi khinche hue hain. Sabse achhi aur kaam ki baat jo aap apne dimaag mein rakh sakte hain, wo seedhi si hai: yeh wo maa banne mein nakaam nahi ho rahi. Yeh wo itna bojh akele utha rahi hai jitna koi akela insaan nahi utha sakta.
Agle kuch din, bas dhyaan dijiye, kuch theek karne ki koshish kiye bina. Dekhiye ki kab wo thodi halki lagti hai aur kab doob jaati hai. Aap abhi ise suljha nahi rahe. Aap uska dhang samajh rahe hain, taaki aapko pata chale ki use aapki sabse zyada zaroorat kab hai.
Wo shayad kis daur se guzar rahi ho
Andar se wo shayad khud ko doshi, dari hui, sunn, ya aisa mehsoos karti ho jaise wo us ek kaam mein nakaam ho rahi hai jise use aana hi chahiye. Ise pyaar se naam dena use bataata hai ki isme wo akeli nahi hai.
Baahar se yeh udaasi, ya chidchidaahat, ya doori jaisa lag sakta hai. Andar se yeh aksar isse kahin bhaari hota hai. Is jagah par pahunchi kayi aurtein ek gehra apraadhbodh mehsoos karti hain ki unhe khush hona chahiye aur wo nahi hain. Kuch apne hi khayalon se dar jaati hain, ya sharminda hoti hain ki bacche se wo judaav nahi bana jiski unhone ummeed ki thi. Kuch bas bujhi bujhi si mehsoos karti hain, jaise yunhi sab nibhaye ja rahi hon.
Aapke liye sabse zaroori baat jis par yakeen karna hai, wo yeh hai: yeh "kar nahi pa rahi" hai, "karna nahi chahti" nahi. Wo door rehne ya tanaav mein rehne ko chun nahi rahi. Uska man aur shareer, tooti neend aur ek bade badlaav se thake hue, apni had par aa pahunche hain. Bacche ke baad kam neend aur aaspaas kam sahara, ye do cheezein research aisa mehsoos karne se jodti hai, aur isiliye ghar mein lagataar milne wali madad koi chhota sa ishaara nahi hai.
Jis din maine yeh poochhna band kiya ki wo bas khush kyun nahi reh sakti, aur yeh poochhna shuru kiya ki use kya chahiye, usi din se baat sambhalne lagi.
ek pati, chhathe hafte mein
Hamare kayi gharon mein faisla jaldi aur beraham se aa jaata hai: wo naatak kar rahi hai, wo dhal nahi rahi, baaki aurtein to nibha leti hain, koi mazboot aurat hoti to jhel leti. Wo faisla galat hai, aur use uthana uske liye bhaari hai. Wo kamzor nahi hai, aur wo buri maa nahi hai. Wo ek aisa insaan hai jo kisi asli cheez se guzar rahi hai jiska ek naam hai aur aage ka ek raasta bhi.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Isme se kuch bhi hamesha ke liye nahi hai, aur isme na aapki galti hai na uski. In hafton mein wo jis daur se guzar rahi hai, wo aam bhi hai aur iska ilaaj bhi hai, aur sahi sahare se aur zaroorat padne par doctor ki madad se yeh aksar halka hota jaata hai. Is hisse ka maksad bas itna hai: "use ab tak isse ubar jaana chahiye tha" ke bajay "wo kisi asli cheez se joojh rahi hai" se shuruaat kijiye, aur uske baad aap jo bhi karenge, wo aur narmi se pahunchega.
Agli baar jab aapko kheej ho ki wo pehle jaisi kyun nahi ho pa rahi, to "wo bas nibha kyun nahi leti" wale khayal ko "uska poora wajood abhi bahut zyada jhel raha hai" se badalkar dekhiye. Dhyaan dijiye ki aapke apne kandhe thode halke hote hain ya nahi. Aapka shaant hona pehle se hi madad ka ek hissa hai.
Aapki taraf se sach mein kya kaam aata hai
Sabse badi madad koi shaandaar hal ya ekdam sahi shabd nahi hain. Yeh kuch seedhi, rozmarra ki baatein hain: ghar kaam ka bojh apne upar lijiye, uski neend bachaiye, aur hal nikaalne ki jaldi kiye bina suniye.
Aapke paas koi ekdam sahi bhaashan taiyaar hona zaroori nahi hai. Ek saathi jo karta hai, wo yahan sach mein maayne rakhta hai. Kayi adhyayanon ki sameeksha dikhati hai ki janm ke baad ke shuruaati hafton mein bharosemand, dekhbhaal bhare sahara ek nayi maa ke udaasi mein jaane ki gunjaish kam kar deta hai. Bojh apne upar lena aur saath bane rehna koi chhota ishaara nahi hai; yeh un cheezon mein se hai jo sach mein madad karti dikhi hain.
- Ghar kaam ka bojh lijiye: khaana, safai, baahar ke kaam, mehmaan.
- Uski neend bachaiye: ek baar doodh pilaana ya bacche ko sambhalna apne upar lijiye taaki use ek lambi neend mil jaaye.
- Hal nikaale bina suniye: use mushkil baat kehne dijiye, aur bas uske saath rahiye.
- Ek team bane rahiye: iska saamna saath mein kijiye, taaki yeh kabhi akele uske suljhaane ki baat na rahe.
Inme se do baaton par zara thehrna theek rahega. Pehli, neend. Tooti raatein sirf thaka nahi deteen; wo mood aur santulan ko ghis deti hain, aur yeh un cheezon mein se hai jo janm ke baad udaas mehsoos karne se judi hain. Agar aap raat mein ek baar doodh pilaana apne upar le lein, ya bacche ko sambhaal lein taaki use ek baar ki bina tooti neend mil jaaye, to aap un gini chuni cheezon mein se ek ko bacha rahe hain jo sach mein use sambhalne mein madad karti hai.
Doosri, sunna. Jab wo aakhirkar mushkil baat keh deti hai, to man karta hai ki use theek kar dein, dilaasa dein, koi yojana de dein. Koshish kijiye ki pehle usse ruk jaayein. Aksar sabse zyada jo madad karta hai wo koi hal nahi, balki suna jaana hai: "yeh to bahut mushkil hai. Main yahin hoon. Hum isse paar niklenge." Uski ek jodi ki tarah, saath milkar madad karna, use akele joojhne dene se behtar kaam karta hai; ek adhyayan mein, jin maaon ko ek jodi ki tarah sahara mila, unme udaasi ke lakshan unse kam the jinhe akele nibhaane ke liye chhod diya gaya.
Is hafte ek bojh chuniye aur use poori tarah uske upar se hata lijiye, na poochhkar, na shukriya ke liye. Raat mein ek baar doodh pilaana. Saare mehmaan. Har waqt ka khaana. Wo chuniye jisse use sabse zyada raahat mile, aur bas use utha lijiye.
Chetavni ke sanket jin par abhi doctor chahiye
Kuch badlaav aise nahi hain ki unke guzar jaane ka intzaar kiya jaaye. Agar aap inhe dekhein, to ise zaroori maaniye aur usi din doctor ya kisi helpline tak pahunchiye. Yeh medical madad hai, is baat ka sanket nahi ki aap mein se kisi ne kuch galat kiya.
Jo wo jhel rahi hai, usme se zyadatar samay, aaraam aur sahare se halka ho jaata hai. Par kuch sanket aise hote hain jinka matlab hai ki abhi kadam uthane ka waqt hai, baad mein nahi. Agar aap kabhi use yeh kehte sunein ki wo yahan nahi rehna chahti, ya khud ko ya bacche ko nuksaan pahunchane ki baat kare, to ise aapaat sthiti maaniye aur usi din madad tak pahunchiye.
Usi din doctor ya kisi helpline tak pahunchiye agar bacche ke sone par bhi use neend nahi aati, wo khaana ya apna khayal rakhna chhod deti hai, bacche se ya haqeeqat se dara dene wali had tak kati hui lagti hai, ya kehti hai ya ishaara karti hai ki wo jeena nahi chahti, ya yeh ki wo khud ko ya bacche ko nuksaan pahuncha sakti hai. Aapka poori tarah pakka hona zaroori nahi. Agar inme se kuch bhi aapke saamne hai, to intzaar karke ummeed lagane ke bajay madad ke liye haath badhaana hamesha sahi hota hai.
Agar aap abhi pareshaan hain
Aapko kuch bhi pehchaan kar bataana ya ise akele sambhalna zaroori nahi hai. Aaj hi uske doctor ko phone kijiye, use kisi aspataal le jaaiye, ya kisi helpline par baat kijiye, uske saath agar wo aaye, uske liye agar wo na aa paaye. Jaldi madad maangna zaroorat se zyada ghabraana nahi hai. Yeh bilkul sahi kaam hai.
Aapka apna bojh bhi asli hai
Yeh sab chupchaap uthana aap par bhi asar daalta hai. Apne bojh ka khayal rakhna swaarth nahi hai; yeh uska khayal rakh paane ka hi ek hissa hai.
Aap bahut kam neend par chal rahe hain, ghar ko thaame hue hain, uske aur bacche ke liye fikrmand hain, aur shayad sabko yahi bata rahe hain ki aap theek hain. Yeh kisi ko bhi ghis deta hai. Aur pata chalta hai ki saathi bhi seedhe iski chapet mein aate hain: naye pitaon par hui research paati hai ki kareeb das mein se ek insaan bacche ke janm ke aaspaas udaasi ke daur se guzarta hai, jo aksar ekdam shuru mein nahi, balki bacche ke aane ke baad ke mahinon mein dheere dheere badhta hai. Yeh aapko kamzor nahi banata, aur yeh aapko kisi ghatiya sahare mein nahi badalta. Yeh aapko insaan banata hai, aur khayal rakhe jaane ke kaabil.
Yeh itna aam hai ki dono maata pita ek hi samay udaas ho sakte hain. Jodon ko saath dekhne wale adhyayan paate hain ki kayi parivaron mein, janm ke aaspaas maa aur uska saathi dono joojh rahe hote hain. Yeh log kya kahenge, is dar se ise chhipane ki wajah nahi hai. Yeh saath mein aur jaldi madad lene ki wajah hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Yahan apna khayal rakhna koi upar se jodi gayi aishoaaram ki cheez nahi hai; yahi aapko khada rakhta hai taaki aap uske liye date reh sakein. Jahan ban pade, thodi neend bachaiye. Sab kuch chupchaap dhone ke bajay kuch imaandaar baatein kijiye. Apne kheme mein ek insaan rakhiye, ek bhai, ek dost, koi aur naya maata pita jo samajhta ho. Khaali bartan se aap kisi ko nahi bhar sakte, aur use aapki perfect hone se zyada aapke sambhle hue hone ki zaroorat hai.
Aaj raat, kisi ek bharose ke insaan se ek imaandaar baat keh dijiye, khulkar: "yeh usse kahin mushkil hai jitna maine socha tha." Aapko badle mein koi salaah chahiye hi nahi. Jo sach hai wo kisi aise insaan se keh dena jo judge na kare, kuch bojh halka kar deta hai, aur yeh kamzori ka theek ulta hai.
Madad lena, saath milkar
Aapko yeh akele nahi uthana hai, aur use bhi nahi. Ek doctor theek se madad kar sakte hain, aur iska saamna ek team ki tarah, jaldi karna, intzaar karne se kahin zyada darwaze kholta hai.
Wo jis daur se guzar rahi hai, uske liye sach mein madad maujood hai, aur uske liye jaldi haath badhaana use behtar kaam karne laayak banata hai. Ek doctor samajh sakte hain ki kya ho raha hai, doosri wajahon ko tatol kar hata sakte hain, aur aap dono ke saath milkar ek yojana bana sakte hain. Sabse kaam ki baat jo aap kar sakte hain, wo yeh hai ki ise "hum" banaiye, "uski suljhaane ki samasya" nahi. Iska saamna saath mein, ek jodi ki tarah karna hi us farak ka hissa hai; jin maaon ko unke saathi ke saath milkar sahara milta hai, wo akele joojhne ke liye chhod di gayi maaon se behtar hoti hain.
Madad maangna yeh maan lena nahi hai ki aap mein se kisi ne haar maan li. Yeh uska theek ulta hai.
Dawai ka kya? Kabhi kabhi ek doctor ek tarah ki dawai suggest kar sakte hain jo man ko sambhalne mein madad kar sakti hai, aur aisa koi bhi faisla sambhal kar, uske saath, doodh pilaane aur baaki sab ko taulte hue liya jaata hai, kabhi jaldbaazi mein nahi aur kabhi samajh aur sahare ki jagah nahi. Aksar pehli aur sabse badi madad isse seedhi hoti hai: aaraam, asli ghar kaam ka sahara, koi baat karne wala, aur aap dono ka ek team ki tarah iska saamna karna.
Aapke saath khade hain
Jin raaton mein aapka sabr chuk jaaye, aur phir uske liye aapko bahut bura lage, to yeh saaf saaf sun lijiye. Ek saathi jo uske daur ko samajhne ke liye ek poori kitaab padhta hai, wo use nakaam nahi kar raha. Wo uske liye lad raha hai. Wo aap hain.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Haath badhaane se pehle aapke paas har jawaab hona zaroori nahi hai. Jo aapne dekha hai, wo saath le jaaiye: mushkil pal kab aate hain, kya madad karta dikhta hai, aapko sabse zyada kis baat ki fikr hai, wo so aur kha pa rahi hai ya nahi. Doctor ko theek yahi chahiye hota hai, aur yeh ek daraavni pehli mulaqaat ko ek aisi yojana mein badal deta hai jise aap teenon saath milkar banate hain. Agar kabhi yeh zaroori lage, to appointment ka intzaar mat kijiye; ek doctor ya ek helpline usi din maujood hai.
Jo aurat in bhaari shuruaati hafton mein khud ko khoyi hui mehsoos karti hai, wo apne aap mein laut sakti hai, aur aksar kisi aur mazboot cheez tak bhi, bashart use akele joojhne ke liye chhodne ke bajay samjha aur sahara diya jaaye.
Apne phone par likh lijiye, wo do ya teen baatein jo abhi use lekar aapko sabse zyada pareshaan karti hain, aur ek ya do baatein jo uske hone mein aapko sabse zyada pyaari lagti hain. Dono sambhaal kar rakhiye. Kisi doctor ki mulaqaat mein, ya kisi mushkil baatcheet mein, dono ko saath lekar chalna nazar ko wahin rakhta hai jahan use rehna chahiye: us par, uske poore wajood par, aur is par ki wo isse aapke saath milkar paar nikal rahi hai.
Yeh jaankari kahan se hai
Aur padhne ke liye
Yeh guide samajhne mein madad karti hai. Yeh nidaan nahin hai. Uske liye doctor se milein.