The Partner's Guide
Memory and ageingJab aapke saathi ki yaaddaasht badalne lage
A warm, plain guide for a partner of someone whose memory is changing: how to stay close, how to carry the quiet grief, and how to find help for both of you.
Jis insaan ke saath aapne poori zindagi banayi, woh badal raha hai
Agar aapka saathi woh cheezein bhoolne laga hai jo pehle kabhi nahi bhoolta tha, aur yeh dekhkar aapko dar lagta hai, to na aap kuch mann mein gadh rahe hain aur na hi zaroorat se zyada soch rahe hain. Kuch sach mein ho raha hai, aur uska saamna saath milkar karna akele sehne se kahin zyada accha hai.
Shayad woh ek hi sawaal ek ghante mein do baar pooch lete hain. Shayad kisi ka naam zabaan par aakar ruk jaata hai, ya ghar lautne ka raasta ek pal ke liye anjaana lagne lagta hai, ya koi bill bharna reh jaata hai jo pehle kabhi nahi bhoolte the. Shayad woh ise kisi mazaak mein uda dete hain, aur aap dono dikhawa karte hain ki kisi ne kuch dekha hi nahi. Aapne yeh dekha hai, aur yeh baat kaafi samay se chupchaap aapke seene mein baithi hai.
Yeh un sabse mushkil cheezon mein se ek hai jinka saamna koi jodi kar sakti hai, kyunki yeh us insaan ko chhooti hai jise aap duniya mein sabse acche se jaante hain. Badi umar mein yaaddaasht ka badalna aam baat hai, aur iske peeche jo kuch hota hai usmein se bahut kuch aisa hai jiski doctor jaanch karke aapko sambhaalne mein madad kar sakte hain, aur yahi wajah hai ki jaldi doctor ko dikhana maayne rakhta hai. Jo aap dekh rahe hain, woh chhupane ki nahi, samajhne ki cheez hai.
Sach mein kya ho raha hai, yeh sirf ek doctor hi bata sakte hain. Yeh kitaab aapke saathi par koi naam nahi chipkayegi. Yeh aapko badlaav ko saaf dekhne mein, is daur mein ek-doosre ke kareeb bane rehne mein, aur yeh jaanne mein madad karegi ki kahaan madad maangein.
Ramesh ko yeh sabse pehle bazaar mein mehsoos hua. Unki chaalees saal ki patni Kamla haath mein wahi sabziyaan liye khadi thi jo woh dashkon se har hafte khareedti aayi thi, aur ek pal ke liye unhe samajh hi nahi aaya ki aage kya karna hai. Unhone hanskar baat taal di, aur Ramesh ne bhi. Par ghar aakar woh chupchaap dekhne lage, theek waise jaise koi us darwaaze ko dekhta hai jiske khul jaane ka dar ho. Unhone kisi ko nahi bataya, apne bachchon tak ko nahi. Woh unhe pareshaan nahi karna chahte the, aur woh yeh bhi nahi chahte the ki yeh baat sach ho.
Ramesh darkar kuch galat nahi kar rahe the, aur Kamla bhoolkar bhi kuch galat nahi kar rahi thi. Ramesh jo akele dho rahe the, woh bahut se saathi dhote hain: woh dar, woh chupchaap dekhte rehna, woh chaah ki agar koi ise zor se na kahe, to shayad yeh sach na ho. Ise dheere se naam dena haar maan lena nahi hai. Yeh sahi madad tak pahunchne ka pehla kadam hai.
Ek hafte tak, bas dekhiye, na sudhaariye aur na sawaal-jawaab kijiye. Aapka saathi kab shaant aur apne-aap mein hota hai, aur kab cheezein fisalti hain? Aap unki pareeksha nahi le rahe. Aap is badlaav ki shakl pehchaan rahe hain, aur yahi baat doctor sunna chahenge.
Yaaddaasht ka badalna kya hai, aur kya nahi
Yaaddaasht ka badalna dimaag mein sach mein hone waali ek baat hai, yeh aapka saathi jaan-boojhkar aalas karna, zid karna ya laparwaahi baratna nahi hai. Aur iska matlab yeh bhi nahi ki jise aap pyaar karte hain woh insaan chala gaya hai.
Yahaan woh baat hai jo aapke jawaab dene ka tareeka badal deti hai. Jab aapka saathi bhoolta hai, dohraata hai, ya baat ka sira kho deta hai, to yeh zid nahi hai aur na hi koshish ki kami. Dimaag jis tarah yaadon ko sambhaalta aur dhoondhta hai, usmein kuch badal gaya hai. Ismein bahut kuch 'kar nahi paana' hai, 'karna nahi chaahna' nahi. Ise buri aadat maankar bartaav karna pehle se mushkil cheez mein aur takleef jod deta hai.
Yeh apne-aap wahi sabse buri baat bhi nahi hai jiska aapko dar hai. Badi umar mein yaaddaasht kai wajahon se badal sakti hai, aur iske peeche jo chalta hai uska accha-khaasa hissa aisi cheez hai jis par dekhbhaal aur ilaaj asar daal sakte hain, aur yeh ek aur wajah hai ki chup rehkar intezaar karne ke bajaay jaldi doctor ko dikhaya jaaye.
Jis din doctor ne mujhe samjhaaya, us din maine un par bhoolne ke liye gussa hona chhod diya aur phir se unke saath khade hone ka ehsaas hone laga.
Ramesh, chaalees saal se shaadi-shuda
Hamaare kai gharon mein yaaddaasht ka fisalna 'bas budhaapa hai' kehkar taal diya jaata hai, ya parivaar ke jamaawadon mein iska mazaak bana diya jaata hai. Ismein kuch pyaar hai, aur kuch dar hai jo muskaan ka chola pehne baitha hai. Par ise taal dene ka matlab ho sakta hai ki zaroori sawaal poochhne mein bahut der ho jaaye. Aapka saathi bas laparwaah nahi ho raha. Unka dimaag alag tarah se kaam kar raha hai, aur yeh kandhe uchakne ki nahi, theek se dekhne ki baat hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Iska matlab yeh nahi ki har jawaab aapke paas abhi hona chahiye. Matlab yeh hai ki aap sahi jagah se shuruaat karte hain: yeh sehat ka badlaav hai, insaan ki kami nahi. Yahaan se, aage aap jo kuch karte hain, woh sabr, woh roz ki aadatein, doctor ke paas jaana, sab aap dono ke liye zyada narmi se utarta hai. Aur yeh aapke saathi ki izzat ki raksha karta hai, jo baaki har cheez jitna hi maayne rakhta hai.
Yaad rakhiye
Woh insaan aaj bhi andar maujood hai. Badalti yaaddaasht baatein, naam aur haal ke pal le sakti hai, par yeh woh nahi chheenti jo aapka saathi aapke liye hain, na hi woh bandhan jo aapne saath milkar banaya hai. Aap aaj bhi unke apne hain.
Saathi ke roop mein jude rehna
Yaaddaasht badalne par bhi kareebi zinda reh sakti hai. Kabhi-kabhi yeh lambi baaton mein kam, aur un chhote, tike hue tareekon mein zyada rehti hai jinse aap ek-doosre ke liye maujood rehte hain.
Ho sakta hai aapko lage ki jis tarah aap pehle judte the, din bhar ki baatein baantna, saath yojnayein banana, ek-doosre ke adhoore vaakya poore karna, woh ab waise nahi chalta. Woh khona sach hai. Par kareebi ki ek se zyada bhaashayein hoti hain. Haath thaamna, saath baithna, ek gale lagna, saath mein ek cup chai, yeh sab aaj bhi aapke saathi tak pahunchte hain, jab shabd mushkil ho jaate hain.
Jodiyon ko aksar lagta hai ki rishta garmjosh aur bhara-poora bana reh sakta hai, jab woh judne ke saral, saajha tareekon ki taraf jhukte hain aur baat karne va saath samay bitaane ka dhang dheere-dheere badal lete hain. Aap star neeche nahi gira rahe. Aap apne saathi se wahin mil rahe hain jahaan woh hain, aur pyaar hamesha se yahi karta aaya hai.
- Din ko naram aur andaaze mein banaye rakhiye, jaani-pehchaani roz ki aadaton ke saath.
- Chhoone aur saath maujood rehne ko woh kehne dijiye jo shabd nahi keh paate.
- Unke mann ke mutaabik chaliye, aur kisi galat yaad par behes mat kijiye.
- Woh puraane gaane, tasveerein aur kahaaniyaan baantiye jo ab bhi unke paas hain.
Do baatein baaki lagbhag har cheez se zyada madad karti hain. Pehli, na sudhaariye aur na sawaal-jawaab kijiye. Jab aapka saathi kuch galat yaad kare, to narmi se usmein saath de dena, ya baat kisi aur taraf mod dena, unhe sharmindagi se bachaata hai aur aap dono ko us jhagde se bachaata hai jismein koi nahi jeetta. Yahaan sahi hone ki keemat, acche hone ke saamne bahut kam hai.
Doosri, saajha reeti-riwaaz banaye rakhiye. Shaam ki chai, woh sair, khaane ke baad jis tarah aap saath baithte hain. Yeh jaani-pehchaani lay aapke saathi ko sthir rakhti hain aur aap dono ko yaad dilaati hain ki aap aaj bhi ek jodi hain, koi mareez aur nurse nahi. Jo rozmarra ki aadatein aap pehle se saajha karte hain, woh aapke paas sabse mazboot sahaaron mein se ek hain.
Koi ek chhoti roz ki aadat chuniye jo aap dono hamesha saath karte aaye hain, aur is hafte uski raksha kijiye, din chaahe kuch bhi lekar aaye. Das shaant minute saath, wahi jaana-pehchaana kaam karte hue, aapke sochne se kahin zyada keemti hain.
Dekhbhaal karne waala banna, aur woh dukh jo kisi ko nahi dikhta
Jaise-jaise aap zyada sambhaalte hain, billon se lekar yaad dilaane tak aur roz ki dekhbhaal tak, aap dono ke beech ka santulan khisakta hai. Saathi ke ab bhi hote hue ek chupchaap dukh mehsoos hona saamaanya hai, aur yeh sharm nahi, dekhbhaal ka haqdaar hai.
Dheere-dheere, bina tay kiye, aap khud ko woh zyada karte hue paa sakte hain jo kabhi aap baantte the. Paise sambhaalna, appointment, dawaaiyaan, roz ki chhoti-chhoti yaad-dahaani. Jo saathi kabhi aadha bojh uthaata tha, ab use zaroorat hai ki aap zyada uthaayein. Yeh khisakaav sach hai, aur yeh is tarah tees sakta hai jise kisi ko samjha paana mushkil hai.
Bahut se saathi ek ajeeb dukh mehsoos karte hain: us saajha zindagi aur us insaan ka shok, jise woh jaante the, jabki woh insaan ab bhi mez ke us paar baitha hai. Kisi bhi alvida se pehle ka yeh shok un sabse badi wajahon mein se ek hai jinse saathi thakkar choor ho jaate hain, isliye yeh sharm nahi, dekhbhaal ka haqdaar hai.
Main uske liye chai banaate hue uska shok mana raha tha. Bahut samay tak mujhe lagta raha ki iska matlab hai mujhmein hi kuch gadbad hai.
Agar aap yeh mehsoos karte hain, to yeh saaf sun lijiye: jo aap mehsoos kar rahe hain woh na anokha hai aur na galat. Yeh dekhbhaal-karte-hue-shok itna asli hai ki shodhkartaaon aur doctor ne is par padhaai ki hai aur ise ek naam diya hai. Iska matlab hai ki aap toote hue nahi hain, aur ismein akele nahi hain. Jo aap mehsoos karte hain use naam dena, sahi sahaara paane ka pehla kadam ho sakta hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Ek hi samay mein ek se zyada cheezein mehsoos hona bhi saamaanya hai: pyaar aur thakaan, narmi aur chidh, ummeed aur dar, kabhi-kabhi ek hi ghante mein. Inmein se kuch bhi aapko bura saathi nahi banaata. Yeh aapko ek insaan banaata hai jo kuch bhaari dho raha hai. "Log kya kahenge" waali aawaaz aapke kaan mein phusphusa sakti hai ki aapko chupchaap sab sambhaalna chahiye aur kabhi shikaayat nahi karni chahiye. Aap kisi ko woh chuppi nahi dete.
Aapke saath
Jin raaton aap andar tak thak jaate hain, aur phir us thakaan ke liye khud ko doshi mehsoos karte hain, yeh sun lijiye: jo insaan apne saathi ka shok manaate hue bhi unke liye baar-baar khada hota rehta hai, woh pyaar mein naakaam nahi ho raha. Yahi pyaar hai, apne sabse kathin aur sabse sacche roop mein. Yahi aap hain.
Sabr, kareebi, aur aap dono
Sabr tab aasaan milta hai jab aap khaali tanki par nahi chal rahe hote. Apna khyaal rakhna, aur aap dono ke beech ki narmi ki raksha karna, apne saathi ki dekhbhaal ka hi hissa hai.
Mushkil dinon mein sabr chuk jaata hai, aur teekhe shabd rokne se pehle hi fisal jaate hain. Isse aap nirday nahi ho jaate. Isse bas itna pata chalta hai ki aap thake hue hain. Aap jitne sthir rahenge, aapka saathi utna hi sthir rehta hai, kyunki woh aksar aapke shabdon ke peeche chalne se pehle aapke mann ka bhaav bhaanp lete hain. Isliye yahaan apna khyaal rakhna swaarth nahi hai. Yeh dekhbhaal ka hi hissa hai.
Narmi ki bhi raksha kijiye. Badalti yaaddaasht garmjoshi, kareebi ya pyaar-dulaar ki zaroorat ko band nahi kar deti. Jin tareekon se aapka saathi ab bhi jud sakta hai, unmein unse milte rehna rishte ko rishta banaye rakhta hai, sirf ek farz nahi. Ek-doosre ko jo chhoti-chhoti acchaaiyaan aap dikhaate hain, wahi asli baat hain, usse dhyaan bhataakane waali cheez nahi.
Sanyukt parivaar mein dabaav kai guna badh sakta hai. Rishtedaar ise chhota karke dikha sakte hain, ya aisi salaah de sakte hain jo aapne maangi hi nahi, ya yeh ummeed rakh sakte hain ki aap bina kisi madad ke sab kuch sambhaal lein. Aapko har baatcheet jeetne ki zaroorat nahi. Ek chhoti, tiki hui baat kaafi ho sakti hai: "doctor humein raah dikha rahe hain, aur hum ek-ek din karke chal rahe hain."
Aur jaanna chahein to
Koi ek insaan dhoondhiye jisse aap imaandaari se baat kar sakein, koi bada bachcha, koi bhai-behen, koi kareebi dost, koi aur saathi jo is raaste se guzra ho. Jo sabse mushkil baat hai use kisi aise ke saamne zor se keh dena jo judge na kare, kuch bojh halka kar deta hai. Sharm aur akelaapan dono chuppi mein panapte hain, aur jaise hi aap ise akele dhona band karte hain, dono mein se koi zyada der nahi tikta. Agar koi din kabhi akele sehne ke liye bahut bhaari lage, to apne doctor ko bataiye, ya kisi helpline par phone kijiye. Haath badhana kamzori nahi, taakat hai.
Aaj raat, ek aisi baat ka naam lijiye jo aapne aaj ek saathi ke roop mein acche se ki, chaahe kitni bhi chhoti ho. Aap kisi mushkil pal mein naram bane rahe. Aapne ek saajha aadat ko zinda rakha. Sone se pehle ise khud se kahiye, aur kal phir se yahi kijiye.
Madad lena, saath milkar
Aapko yeh akele nahi dhona hai, aur aap iske liye kabhi bane hi nahi the. Sahaara sach mein madad karta hai, aur uski taraf haath badhana naakaam hone ki nishaani nahi hai.
Ek doctor aapke saathi ki theek se jaanch kar sakte hain, aapko samajhne mein madad kar sakte hain ki kya ho raha hai, aur aapke saath milkar ek yojna par kaam kar sakte hain, aur jaldi haath badhane se zyada darwaaze khulte hain. Sahaara sach mein madad karta hai. Dher saare shodh mein, aise kaaryakram jo saathiyon aur parivaar ki dekhbhaal karne waalon ko sahaara dete hain, bharose ke saath ghabraahat aur udaas mann ko halka karte hain, jiska matlab hai ki madad maangna naakaam hone ki nishaani nahi, balki ek aisi cheez hai jo dekhbhaal ko zyada sehne laayak banaati dikhi hai.
Jaldi haath badhana maayne rakhta hai, aur madad maangna haar maanne ka bilkul ulta hai.
Kandhe ka sahaara jitna maayne rakhta hai, utna hi kaam ki madad bhi. Saathi aksar tab behtar rehte hain jab woh bhaavnaatmak sahaare ko is saaf jaankaari ke saath jodte hain ki kya ho raha hai, aur samuday ki sevaaon se judne mein sacchi madad ke saath. Isliye apne doctor se seedhe poochhna faaydemand hai: kya ho raha hai, kya madad kar sakta hai, aur hum dono ke liye aas-paas kaun-sa sahaara aur saadhan maujood hain.
Poochhiye ki yeh hai kya.
Ek theek jaanch aapko bata sakti hai ki is badlaav ke peeche kya hai aur kya kiya ja sakta hai, bajaay iske ki aap andaaze lagaate aur darte rahein.
Poochhiye ki kya madad karta hai.
Apne saathi se aage, yeh poochhiye ki dekhbhaal karne waale ke roop mein aapke liye kaun-sa sahaara hai, kyunki aapka khyaal rakhna bhi yojna ka hissa hai.
Poochhiye ki aur kaun madad kar sakta hai.
doctor aksar aapko aisi samuday sevaaon, samoohon aur saadhanon ki taraf ishaara kar sakte hain jinke baare mein aap jaante hi nahi the.
Aage ki raah ke baare mein poochhiye.
Mote taur par jaan lena ki kya ummeed rakhni hai, aur jab tak ho sake tab tak dheere-dheere yojna banana, isse bachne ke muqaable zyada shaanti laata hai.
Dawa ka kya? Badalti yaaddaasht ka koi ek ilaaj nahi hai, par doctor kabhi-kabhi un cheezon mein madad kar sakte hain jo iske saath-saath chalti hain, jaise udaas mann, ghabraahat, ya neend na aana, aapke saathi mein ya aapmein. Aisa koi bhi faisla soch-samajhkar liya jaata hai, aapke parivaar ke saath, kabhi jaldbaazi mein nahi aur kabhi samajh va sahaare ki jagah par nahi. Ek acche doctor aap dono ko ek jodi ki tarah dekhte hain, aur har faisle mein aapko saath rakhte hain.
Yaad rakhiye
Aapko madad ki zaroorat hona jaayaz hai. Jis saathi ki yaaddaasht badal rahi ho, uski dekhbhaal karna un sabse mehnat bhare kaamon mein se ek hai jo koi insaan kar sakta hai, aur kisi se yeh ummeed nahi ki woh ise bina kisi sahaare ke kare. Maangna kamzori nahi hai. Yahi hai jisse aap chalte rehte hain, aap dono ke liye.
Yaaddaasht badal sakti hai, aur din mushkil ho sakte hain, par aap dono aaj bhi aap dono hi hain, aur aapko yeh raasta akele nahi chalna hai.
Agli baar doctor ke paas jaane se pehle, apne phone par do chhoti soochiyaan likhiye. Ek: woh badlaav jo aapne apne saathi mein dekhe hain, aur woh kab hote hain. Do: woh baatein jo ek saathi ke roop mein aapko sabse mushkil lagti hain. Dono lekar jaana dhyaan aap dono par tikaaye rakhta hai, aur ek daraawni mulaaqaat ko ek mil-julkar kaam karne ki saajhedaari mein badal deta hai.
Yeh jaankari kahan se hai
Aur padhne ke liye
Yeh guide samajhne mein madad karti hai. Yeh nidaan nahin hai. Uske liye doctor se milein.