The Carer series
Memory and ageingJab maa-papa ki yaad kamzor hone lage
A warm, plain guide for the son or daughter of a parent whose memory is fading: how to see the changes clearly, help with dignity, and know when to reach for a doctor.
Wo chhoti-chhoti baatein jo aapki nazar mein aa rahi hain
Agar aapki maa ya papa pehle se zyada bhoolne lage hain, baat ka sira kho dete hain, ya ek hi baat baar-baar dohraate hain, aur isse aapko fikar hoti hai, to us fikar ko sunna zaroori hai. Jaldi nazar aana bewafai nahi hai. Yeh to dekhbhaal hai.
Shayad ek hi sawaal ek ghante mein teen baar aata hai. Shayad gas par bartan jal jaata hai kyunki wo uthkar chale gaye aur bhool gaye. Shayad ghar lautne ka jaana-pehchaana raasta unhe achaanak naya lagne lage, ya koi bill bharna reh jaaye, ya koi naam jo hamesha zubaan par rehta tha, ab nahi aa raha. Chhoti-chhoti baatein, ek-ek karke, jinhe aasaani se taal diya jaaye. Par aapne chupchaap ginti rakhni shuru kar di hai.
Aap ise mann se nahi bana rahe, aur aap isme akele bhi nahi hain. Jaise-jaise log boodhe hote hain, yaaddasht aur soch-samajh mein dikkat aam hoti jaati hai, aur jaise-jaise log lambi umar jee rahe hain, duniya bhar mein aise pariwaaron ki sankhya tezi se badh rahi hai jo theek wahi khade hain jahaan aap khade hain. Badlaavon ko jaldi aur pyaar se pehchaan lena aapko aur aapke maa ya papa ko zyada waqt aur zyada raaste deta hai.
Yeh kitaab aapko yeh nahi bataayegi ki aapke maa ya papa ko kya hua hai. Yeh sirf wahi doctor bata sakte hain jo unhe jaanchein. Yeh kitaab jo kar sakti hai, wo yeh hai ki aap badlaavon ko saaf dekh paayein, izzat ke saath jawaab dein, aur yeh jaanein ki madad ke liye kab aur kaise haath badhaana hai.
Meera bayaalis saal ki hai. Uske papa, jo kabhi poore ghar ka hisaab-kitaab dimaag mein rakhte the, ab ek hi phone call mein do baar poochhte hain ki uski beti ki pariksha kis din hai. Jahaan wo baatein likhkar rakhte hain, wo parchiyaan chhipa lete hain. Jab wo pyaar se koi baat bataati hai, to wo chidh jaate hain, ya chup ho jaate hain. Uska bhai kehta hai ki wo aam budhaape ko lekar bewajah pareshaan ho rahi hai. Use yakeen nahi. Use bas itna pata hai ki kuchh badal gaya hai, aur use hi yeh dikh raha hai.
Meera bewajah pareshaan nahi ho rahi, aur dhyaan dekar wo apne papa ke saath dhokha nahi kar rahi. Jo wo kar rahi hai, wahi dekhbhaal ka pehla sachcha kadam hai: ghabraaye bina aur koi faisla sunaaye bina nazar rakhna. Use jawaab pata hona zaroori nahi. Use bas pyaar se dekhte rehna hai, aur yeh jaanna hai ki jo wo dekh rahi hai use kahaan le jaaye.
Do hafte tak apne phone mein ek saadharan note rakhein. Jo nazar aaye aur jab aaye, wo likh lein: baar-baar aane waala sawaal, chhoot gaya koi bill, uljhan ka koi pal, aur achhe din bhi. Aap apne maa ya papa ke khilaaf koi muqadma nahi bana rahe. Aap wo sachchi tasveer juta rahe hain jo doctor ko chaahiye hogi.
Budhaapa, ya usse kuchh zyada
Kuchh bhoolna aam budhaape ke saath aata hai. Kuchh nahi aata. Baahar se dono ek jaise lag sakte hain, aur in dono mein farq bataana doctor ka kaam hai, pariwaar ka andaaza nahi.
Yeh sach hai ki umar badhne par zyadaatar logon ki yaaddasht thodi dheemi ho jaati hai. Koi naam bhool jaana aur baad mein yaad aa jaana, ya kabhi-kabhi chaabiyaan idhar-udhar rakh dena, aam baat hai aur aamtaur par isse darne ki koi baat nahi. Par har badlaav sirf budhaapa nahi hota. Jab bhoolna roz ki zindagi mein rukaawat daalne lage, jab koi jaani-pehchaani jagah mein kho jaaye, koi saadharan kaam ki taiyaari na kar paaye, ya unke vyavhaar mein badlaav aane lage, to yeh ek alag tarah ka ishaara hai.
Ab wo baat jo sabse zaroori hai. Aap khud yeh tay nahi kar sakte, aur na hi karna chaahiye, ki gadbadi kya hai. Doctor hi wo insaan hai jo aapke maa ya papa ko jaanchta hai, aisi wajhon ki talaash karta hai jinka ilaaj ho sakta hai aur jo theek bhi ho sakti hain, aur aapko bataata hai ki yeh kis tarah ki dikkat hai. Yaaddasht ki gadbadi ki kuchh wajhein aisi hoti hain jaise thyroid ki dikkat, kisi vitamin ki kami, koi sankraman, mann ka udaas rehna, ya kisi dawa ka asar, aur inme se kai pata chalne par theek ho sakti hain. Theek isiliye ghar par andaaza lagaane se kisi ka bhala nahi hota.
Yaad rakhein
Isme koi sharm ki baat nahi, na aapke maa ya papa ke liye, na aapke liye. Yaaddasht ki dikkat ek sehat ka maamla hai, theek jaise blood pressure ya dil ka kamzor hona. Yeh koi saza nahi hai, na iraade ki kamzori, aur na hi aapke pariwaar se hui koi galti. Ise ek bimaari ki tarah, shaanti se samajhna hi sabse pyaar bhara aur saaf kaam hai jo aap kar sakte hain.
Kya ho raha hai iska naam rakhna aapka kaam nahi hai, aur apne maa ya papa par khud koi thappa lagaana asal mein nuksaan kar sakta hai: isse wo dar sakte hain, jhagde shuru ho sakte hain, ya baat bilkul galat bhi ho sakti hai. Agar kisi naam ki zaroorat hogi, to doctor sahi se jaanchne ke baad bata sakte hain ki yeh kis tarah ki dikkat hai. Tab tak aapka kaam alag hai aur halka hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Aapka kaam hai apne maa ya papa ko surakshit rakhna, unki izzat banaaye rakhna, aur unhe sahi jaanch tak pahunchaana. Aapko na rog ka naam bataana hai, na aage kya hoga yeh bataana hai, na bhavishya padhna hai. Aapko bas dekhna hai, bachaana hai, aur jo aapne dekha hai use kisi aise insaan tak pahunchaana hai jo iska matlab samajhne mein maahir hai. Yahi kaafi hai, aur yeh bahut badi baat hai.
Jis din maine yeh pata lagaane ki koshish chhod di ki unhe kya hua hai, aur bas jo maine dekha wo likhkar doctor ke paas le gayi, us din sab kuchh halka ho gaya.
Meera, beti
Haath bantana, par sab apne haath mein liye bina
Roz ki sabse badi madad apne maa ya papa ko sudhaarna ya unka imtihaan lena nahi hai. Yeh hai ek shaant dincharya, pyaar bhare ishaare, aur unhe wo karne dena jo wo ab bhi kar sakte hain.
Chhoti, tiki hui aadatein kisi ek badi koshish se zyada kaam aati hain. Ek tay din, jisme khaana, tehelna aur sona ek hi waqt par ho, thake hue dimaag ko kam cheezein sambhaalne ke liye deta hai. Jahaan zaroorat ho wahaan rakhe gaye ishaare, ek ghadi, ek calendar, naam likhi ek daraaz, darwaaze ke paas ek parchi, wo bojh utha lete hain jo yaaddasht ab nahi utha paati, aur kisi ko tokna bhi nahi padta.
Sabse pyaar bhara niyam aasaan hai. Apne maa ya papa ka imtihaan mat lijiye, aur har galti mat sudhaariye. "Aapko yaad hai yeh kaun hai?" ya "Maine abhi kya kaha tha?" poochhna bas usi baat par roshni daalta hai jo kho chuki hai aur sharmindagi laata hai. Imtihaan lene ki jagah, pyaar se bata dijiye. Unke liye naam keh dijiye. Shabd khud poora kar dijiye. Kisi chhoti galti ko bina baat banaaye aage badh jaane dijiye.
- Din ko tay rakhein, jisme khaana aur sona niyat waqt par ho.
- Jahaan zaroorat ho wahaan pyaar bhare ishaare rakhein, imtihaan nahi.
- Jo wo ab bhi kar sakte hain, wo unhe apni raftaar se karne dein.
- Jaani-pehchaani, achhi lagne waali cheezein saath milkar karein, bina imtihaan liye.
Ek cheez aisi hai jo aap kar sakte hain jo pyaari bhi hai aur sach mein kaam ki bhi. Halke, achhe lagne waale sochne-samajhne waale kaam saath milkar karna, puraani tasveeron par baatein karna, taash ka ek saadharan khel, jaane-pehchaane gaane, rozmarra ke chhote kaam jaise cheezein chhaantna ya teh lagaana, ye kisi buzurg ki soch aur unke bhale hone ke ehsaas ko zyada der tak tez rakh sakte hain. Pyaar se karne par, isse aap par bhi koi bojh nahi badhta. Yeh saath bitaaya waqt hai, koi paath nahi.
Is hafte ek halka kaam chuniye jo aapke maa ya papa ko pehle pasand tha: koi puraana photo album, koi pasandeeda gaana, matar chheelna, saath mein ek chhoti sair. Unke saath ise kijiye, iske maze ke liye, imtihaan ki tarah nahi. Unke chehre ko dekhiye. Wo sukoon hi asal baat hai.
Jab yeh kathin ho jaaye
Baar-baar dohraana, madad lene se inkaar, bechain raatein, gaadi chalaana, paisa: yahi wo pal hain jo aapko sabse zyada aazmaate hain. Inse guzarne ke shaant raaste hain, aur aapka aapa kho dena naakami nahi hai, yeh ek ishaara hai ki aapko bhi sahaara chaahiye.
Kuchh pal bas mushkil hote hain. Dasvi baar wahi sawaal. Nahaane ya dawa lene se saaf inkaar. Raat ke baad idhar-udhar bhatakna ya bechaini. Gaadi ki chaabi, ya bank ki passbook, jo wo dena nahi chaahte. Inme se har pal mein, aapke maa ya papa jaan-boojhkar pareshaan nahi kar rahe. Ek dara hua, uljha hua dimaag apne oopar aur apne aap par pakad banaaye rakhne ki poori koshish kar raha hai.
Jo kaam aata hai wo zor-zabardasti nahi, balki ek tika hua, pyaar bhara tareeqa hai. Baar-baar aane waale sawaal ka jawaab shaanti se dijiye, maano pehli baar poochha gaya ho, ya dhyaan kisi sukoon dene waali cheez ki or mod dijiye. Hukum dene ki jagah chunne ka mauqa dijiye. Soch-samajhkar ladai chuniye, aur chhoti baatein jaane dijiye. Ek bhaartiya ghareloo-dekhbhaal adhyayan mein yeh dekha gaya ki pariwaar ko saaf, vyavhaarik maargdarshan dena dekhbhaal karne waale ki apni pareshaani ko kam karta hai aur uski maansik sehat ko bachaata hai.
Baar-baar wahi sawaal.
Ek baar, shaanti se jawaab dijiye. Phir pyaar se dhyaan kisi tasveer, kisi naashte, kisi kaam ki or mod dijiye. Yeh kehna ki unhone "abhi to poochha tha" bas dono taraf chot pahunchaata hai.
Madad se inkaar.
Zor mat daaliye. Peechhe hat jaaiye, thodi der baad phir koshish kijiye, koi chhota vikalp dijiye, ya kisi aur bharosemand insaan se kehalwaaiye. Kai baar waqt aur lehza shabdon se zyada maayne rakhte hain.
Bechain raatein.
Shaamein shaant aur maddham rakhiye, der se chai ya coffee band kijiye, aur din ko sakriya aur roshan rakhiye. Ek theek-thaak beeta din aksar ek chain ki raat banaata hai.
Gaadi chalaana aur paisa.
Ye suraksha se jude hain aur in par doctor ki salaah se tiki hui, pyaar bhari had bandhna theek rehta hai. Ise yun kahiye ki "doctor ne kaha hai", kabhi yeh mat jataaiye ki aap unki aazaadi chheen rahe hain.
Jab aapka sabr toot jaaye, aur wo tootega, to yeh iska saboot nahi hai ki aap bure bete ya beti hain. Yeh iska saboot hai ki aap insaan hain aur sachmuch ek mushkil kaam kar rahe hain, aksar bahut kam madad ke saath. Ho sake to ek pal ke liye hat jaaiye. Saans lijiye. Waapas aaiye. Ek shaant aap hi us kamre ki sabse badi madad hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Khaaskar gaadi chalaane aur paise ke maamle mein, had bandhne waala doctor ko banne dijiye, taaki aap bure na banein. "Doctor ne kaha hai ki abhi gaadi na chalaana zyada surakshit hai" faisle ko aapse door le jaata hai. Paise ke liye, chupchaap kuchh intezaam, koi bharosemand sanyukt hastaakshar karne waala, billon ka apne-aap bhugtaan, ek chhota kharch ka batua jo unhi ka rahe, ye sab unki suraksha aur izzat dono ko ek saath bachaate hain.
Apne ghar mein sabse zyada baar aane waala ek mushkil pal sochiye. Agli baar ke liye ek shaant jawaab likhkar rakhiye, garmaagarmi mein aane se pehle. Shabd taiyaar hone se, jab wo pal aata hai to naram bane rehna kahin aasaan ho jaata hai.
Dekhbhaal karne waala insaan
Yeh ek lamba raasta hai, aur aap ise khaali tanki par nahi chal sakte. Apna khayaal rakhna khudgarzi nahi hai. Yeh apne maa ya papa ka khayaal rakhne ka hi ek hissa hai.
Ek aise maa ya papa ki dekhbhaal karna jinka dimaag badal raha hai, bhaari hai, aur yeh lambe waqt tak chalta hai. Thaka hua, udaas, gusse mein, doshi aur akela mehsoos karna aam baat hai, kabhi-kabhi ek hi din mein ye sab. Iska matlab yeh nahi ki aap naakaam ho rahe hain. Iska matlab hai ki aap kuchh sachcha uthaaye hue hain, aksar saath hi naukri, ghar aur apne bachchon ko bhi sambhaalte hue.
Isme aap bhi maayne rakhte hain. Dekhbhaal karne waale ke liye dhaanche mein bandha sahaara uske apne avsaad, chinta aur bojh ke ehsaas ko naap-taul kar ghataata hai. Is haalat ke baare mein seekhna, kisi sahaara-samooh se judna, ya mushkilein suljhaane mein vyavhaarik madad lena, ye koi faaltu cheezein nahi hain jo waqt mile to kar lein. Ye unhi cheezon ka hissa hain jo aapko khada rakhti hain, aur ek khada rehne waala dekhbhaal karne waala hi wo hai jiski aapke maa ya papa ko sabse zyada zaroorat hai.
Aapke saath
Un shaamon mein jab aap jhalla uthe hon, phir use lekar bura mehsoos karte hue jaagte rahe hon, yeh baat saaf sun lijiye: wo beta ya beti jo ek boodhe hote maa ya papa ko samajhne ke liye poori kitaab padhta hai, wo unhe niraash nahi kar raha. Aap baar-baar, phir-phir, us insaan ke liye haazir ho rahe hain jo kabhi aapke liye haazir hua tha. Yeh pyaar hai, sabse bure dinon mein bhi.
Hamaare gharon mein dabaav aksar kai guna ho jaata hai. Rishtedaar keh sakte hain ki aap baat badha-chadhaakar pesh kar rahe hain, ya yeh ki thodi sakhti se sab theek ho jaayega, ya poochh sakte hain "log kya kahenge" agar baat baahar nikal gayi. Aapko un har behas ko jeetna zaroori nahi. Ek chhoti, tiki hui baat kaam aati hai: "Doctor humein raah dikha rahe hain, aur hum unki bataayi baat par chal rahe hain." Phir baaki sab jaane dijiye.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Koi ek insaan dhoondhiye jo sach mein aapke saath ho, koi bhai-behen jo bojh baante, koi dost, koi aur dekhbhaal karne waala jo samajhta ho. Jo sabse mushkil baat hai wo kisi aise insaan ke saamne khulkar keh dijiye jo aapko nahi aankega. Jahaan ho sake kaam baantiye, chhote tareeqon se bhi: ek rishtedaar dawaakhaane ka zimma le, doosra hafte ke ant ka, teesra phone call ka. Yeh sab poori tarah akele dhona thak kar toot jaane ka sabse tez raasta hai, aur toote hue haal mein aap apne maa ya papa ke kisi kaam ke nahi.
Ek cheez ka naam lijiye, chaahe kitni bhi chhoti ho, jo is hafte aapko ek ghante ka aaraam de: ek sair, ek jhapki, kisi dost se baat, ek ghanta jab koi aur aapke maa ya papa ke paas baithe. Wo maangiye, ya pehle se tay kar lijiye. Us ghante ko bachaana aapke maa ya papa ko bhi bachaata hai.
Doctor ko dikhaana, aur phir se jaana
Aapko yeh akele hal karna zaroori nahi hai. Jaldi doctor ko dikhaana, aur phir se jaanch ke liye jaana, sabse zyada raaste kholta hai, jab tak aapke maa ya papa ab bhi faislon mein saath de sakte hain.
Cheezon ke aur bigadne ka intezaar karne ke bajaay jaldi doctor ko dikhaana theek rehta hai. Sahi waqt par ki gayi jaanch se ilaaj ho sakne waali wajhein pata chal jaati hain, sahaare ka intezaam ho jaata hai, aur aapka pariwaar aage ki yojna bana paata hai jab tak aapke maa ya papa apni hi zindagi ke faislon mein hissa le sakte hain. Intezaar karne se shaayad hi koi faayda hota hai, aur aksar wo mauqa haath se nikal jaata hai jab aapke maa ya papa apni baat khud keh sakte the.
Jab jaayein, to jo tasveer aapne jutaayi hai wo saath le jaaiye: aapne kya aur kab dekha, achhe din aur mushkil din, har us dawa aur supplement ki soochi jo wo lete hain, aur wo sawaal jo aapke liye sabse zaroori hain. Wahi sachchi, rozmarra ki baareekiyaan theek wo cheez hain jo doctor ko chaahiye, aur yahi ek daraavni mulaaqaat ko ek kaam ki saajhedaari mein badal deti hain.
Jab Meera aakhirkaar apne papa ko doctor ke paas le gayi, to wo khaali haath nahi gayi. Wo do hafte ke note, unki almaari ki har goli ki patti, aur apne phone par likhe teen sawaal saath le gayi. Doctor ne dhyaan se suna, unhe jaancha, kuchh aasaan jaanchein likhein, aur bataaya ki aage kya hoga. Ek hi mulaaqaat mein kuchh hal nahi ho gaya. Par kai maheenon mein pehli baar, Meera ise akele nahi dho rahi thi, aur uske papa ab bhi usi kamre mein the, ab bhi apni hi zindagi ki baatcheet ka hissa the.
Dawa ke baare mein kya? Wo doctor tay karte hain, kabhi pariwaar nahi, aur kabhi pehla ya iklauta kadam nahi. Achhi dekhbhaal ka dil hai samajhna, suraksha, dincharya aur sahaara, aur koi bhi dawa soch-samajhkar di jaaye aur waqt ke saath theek ki jaaye. Aap har faisle ka hissa bane rehte hain, aur jab tak mumkin ho, aapke maa ya papa bhi.
Yaad rakhein
Ek achha doctor aapke haath mein koi bhaari shabd thamaakar ghar nahi bhej deta. Wo poore insaan ko dekhta hai: yaaddasht, shareer, mann, neend, suraksha, aur unke ird-gird ka pariwaar. Aur wo aapko phir aane ke liye kehta hai, kyunki yeh wo dekhbhaal hai jo waqt ke saath theek ki jaati hai, koi ek baar ka faisla nahi. Agar cheezein badlein ya bigdein, to theek wahi waqt hai phir se jaane ka.
Jin maa ya papa ki yaaddasht kamzor ho rahi hai, wo ab bhi, poore ke poore, aapke maa ya papa hain, aur unhe sudhaarne ki jagah sabr se milna ek aisa tohfa hai jise dekar aap khush honge.
Pehli mulaaqaat se pehle, apne phone par do soochiyaan likhiye: wo badlaav jo aapko sabse zyada pareshaan karte hain, aur wo sawaal jinke jawaab aap sabse zyada chaahte hain. Har us dawa ka naam bhi jodiye jo aapke maa ya papa lete hain. Teenon ke saath andar jaana mulaaqaat ko shaant, kaam ka, aur us poore insaan par tika rakhta hai jo aapke maa ya papa ab bhi hain.
Yeh jaankari kahan se hai
Aur padhne ke liye
Yeh guide samajhne mein madad karti hai. Yeh nidaan nahin hai. Uske liye doctor se milein.