For Yourself
After birthBacche ke janm ke baad aapka mann
A warm, plain guide for a new mother whose mood, worry, or sense of self has been shaken after birth: what is passing and what is worth telling someone, what truly helps, and why reaching for help is common and it works.
Jitna kisi ne bataya, usse kahin zyaada mushkil
Bacche ke janm ke baad ke hafton aur mahinon mein agar aapka mann udaas rehta hai, ghabraahat hoti hai, ya aap khud jaisa mehsoos nahin karteen, to iska matlab yeh nahin ki aap kamzor hain ya naakaam ho rahi hain. Kuch asli baat ho rahi hai, aur yeh theek ho sakti hai.
Sabne kaha tha ki yeh aapki zindagi ka sabse khushi ka waqt hoga. Par kisi ne us thakaan ke baare mein nahin bataya jo thake hone se bhi aage chali jaati hai, un aansuon ke baare mein jo achaanak aa jaate hain, us chinta ke baare mein jo band hi nahin hoti, ya us ajeeb se ehsaas ke baare mein jismein lagta hai jaise aap khud ko door se dekh rahi hon. Aap apne bacche se pyaar karti hain aur phir bhi aisa mehsoos karti hain. Dono baatein ek saath sach ho sakti hain.
Muskuraati hui tasveerein jo dikhaati hain, yeh usse kahin zyaada aam baat hai. Bharat bhar se jutaaye gaye adhyayanon mein paaya gaya ki har paanch mein se kareeb ek nayi maa bacche ke janm ke baad sachmuch udaasi ke ek daur se guzarti hai. Agar aapko aisa mehsoos hota hai, to aap bilkul akeli nahin hain. Aap un bahut saari maaon mein se ek hain, aur yeh koi chhupaakar akele dhone waali sharm nahin hai.
Aapke shareer ne abhi ek bahut bada kaam kiya hai. Aapki neend tooti hui hai, aapke shareer mein hormone badal rahe hain, aur chand dinon mein aapki poori zindagi ka dhaancha badal gaya hai. In sabse hil jaana koi kami nahin hai. Yeh un sabse badi baaton mein se ek ke prati ek insaani jawaab hai, jisse koi shareer aur mann guzar sakta hai.
Meera ne is bacche ka saalon intezaar kiya tha. Isliye jab teesre hafte mein khushi ki jagah ek bhaari, dhundhla-sa udaas kohra aaya, to usne kuch nahin kaha. Sab use badhaai de rahe the. Uski saas baar-baar kehti ki woh kitni bhaagyashaali hai. Woh kaise maanti ki use andar se khaali lagta hai, ki doodh pilaate hue uski aankhein bhar aati hain, ki kuch subah uska uthne ka bhi mann nahin karta? Use yakeen tha ki ek maa ke taur par usmein hi koi khot hai.
Ek maa ke taur par Meera mein koi khot nahin hai. Woh jo mehsoos kar rahi hai, woh uske pyaar ya uski ehmiyat par koi faisla nahin hai. Yeh ek udaasi hai, jisse bahut saari nayi maaein chupchaap guzarti hain, aksar tab jab aaspaas ke sab log yahi maante hain ki woh bas khush hain. Ise naam dena hi is kohre se baahar nikalne ka pehla kadam hai.
Agle kuch dinon tak bas yeh dekhiye ki aap sachmuch kaisa mehsoos kar rahi hain, us par koi faisla diye bina. Abhi aapko kuch theek karne ya kisi ko kuch samjhaane ki zaroorat nahin hai. Aap bas khud ko saaf-saaf dekhne de rahi hain: yeh jitna bataya gaya tha usse zyaada mushkil hai, aur yeh sach hai.
Jo udaasi guzar jaati hai, aur jo tiki rehti hai
Shuruaati dinon mein aansuon aur oopar-neeche hote mann ka ek chhota daur bahut aam hai aur aamtaur par apne aap chhant jaata hai. Ek bhaari udaasi jo hafton tiki rehti hai, woh alag baat hai, aur usmein ek doctor madad kar sakte hain.
Bacche ke janm ke baad ke shuruaati dinon mein bahut si maaon ko rona aata hai, woh sanvedansheel ho jaati hain aur chhoti-chhoti baaton se pareshaan ho jaati hain. Zara-si baat par aansu aa jaate hain. Yeh guzar jaane waali udaasi itni aam hai ki woh lagbhag is poore daur ka hissa-si lagti hai, aur zyaadatar maaon ke liye yeh shareer ke sambhalte hi ek-do hafte mein apne aap halki ho jaati hai.
Par ek aur tarah ki udaasi hoti hai jo chhanti nahin. Jab yeh bhaaripan hafton tika rahe aur rozmarra ki aam zindagi par bojh banne lage, tab yeh kisi ko bataane laayak baat hai. Yeh shuruaati udaasi jaisi nahin hai, aur yeh aisi cheez nahin jise aap akele bas intezaar karke guzaar dein. Yeh ek aisi udaasi hai jismein ek doctor sachmuch madad kar sakte hain.
Guzar jaane waali udaasi.
Shuruaati dinon mein aati hai. Rona aana, sanvedansheel hona, mann ka oopar-neeche hona. Aamtaur par shareer ke sambhalte hi kareeb do hafte mein apne aap chhant jaati hai.
Jo udaasi tiki rehti hai.
Hafton bani rehti hai. Rozmarra ki zindagi, neend, bhookh, aur cheezon mein khushi paane par bojh ban jaati hai. Apne aap nahin chhanti. Kisi doctor ko bataane laayak hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Aisa koi ek tay din nahin hota jab ek udaasi doosri ban jaaye, aur yeh rekha aapko khud kheenchne ki zaroorat nahin hai. Ek aasaan paimaana hai samay aur bhaaripan: agar udaasi pehle do hafton ke baad bhi bani hui hai, aur din guzaarna ya kisi cheez mein zara bhi khushi paana mushkil kar rahi hai, to yahi woh waqt hai kisi se baat karne ka. Poochkar aap koi hadd paar nahin kar rahin. Aap samajhdaari waala kaam kar rahi hain.
Sirf aaj ko nahin, pichhle do hafton ko yaad kijiye. Kya udaasi zara bhi halki hui, ya woh tikkar jam gayi? Aap khud par koi thappa nahin laga rahin. Aap bas imaandaar jaankaari juta rahi hain taaki kisi aise insaan ko bata sakein jo madad kar sake.
Chhoti-chhoti cheezein jo bojh halka karti hain
In hafton mein sabse asardaar dawa woh nahin jo aap akele, aur zyaada zor lagaakar karti hain. Woh hai baari-baari se neend, doosron se asli madad, aur chhote-chhote kadam, taaki aapko yeh sab akele na dhona pade.
Jab aap udaas aur thaki hui hon, tab "bas aaraam se raho" jaisi salaah bekaar hai. Jo kaam aata hai woh thos hota hai aur baanta hua hota hai. Bojh ka ek hissa doosron ko uthaane dena koi aisho-aaraam ya kamzori nahin, yeh asli dawa hai. Kaamkaji aur bhaavnaatmak sahaara sachmuch ek nayi maa ki sehat ki raksha karta hai, aur iske bina chhoot jaana udaasi ki gunjaaish badha deta hai.
- Baari-baari se soiye, taaki jab aap aaraam karein to koi aur ek baar doodh pila de ya thodi der baccha sambhaal le.
- Logon ko asli kaamon mein madad karne dijiye: khaana banaana, safaai, bacche ko god mein lena.
- Chhote kadam uthaaiye: thodi sair, dhoop, ek baar mein ek hi cheez.
- Yeh sab aapko akele nahin karna hai. Jo sabse mushkil baat hai, use kisi se khulkar keh dijiye.
Neend sabse zyaada maayne rakhti hai, aur tooti hui neend apne aap mein ek alag tarah ki takleef hai. Agar ho sake, to aisa intezaam kijiye ki koi raat ka ek hissa ya subah ki ek feed sambhaal le, taaki aapko ek lamba aaraam ka tukda mil jaaye. Ek bhi bina tooti hui neend ka tukda aapke mann ko utna sambhaal sakta hai jitna aap soch bhi nahin saktin. Yeh koi laad-pyaar nahin hai. Neend marammat hai.
Hamaare kai gharon mein madad to milti hai, par woh judgement aur salaah ke saath uljhi hui aati hai. Madad le lena aur tippaniyaan chhod dena bilkul theek hai. Ek chhoti, tiki hui baat kaam aati hai: "Doctor humein raasta dikha rahe hain, aur abhi sabse madadgaar baat yahi hai ki main aaraam karoon." Aapko apne aaraam ki raksha karne ke liye har behes jeetne ki zaroorat nahin hai.
Aapke saath
Jin dinon aapko lage ki aap is sab mein naakaam ho rahi hain, un dinon yeh baat saaf suniye: ek maa jo yeh padh rahi hai, jo samajhne ki koshish kar rahi hai ki uske saath kya ho raha hai, woh naakaam nahin ho rahi. Woh apna khyaal rakhkar apne bacche ka khyaal rakh rahi hai. Woh maa aap hain.
Is hafte ek asli kaam chuniye aur use poori tarah kisi aur ko saunp dijiye. Raat ki ek feed, ek waqt ka khaana, ya ek ghanta jismein koi aur bacche ko sambhaale jabki aap soyein ya baahar tehel aayein. Ise kaafi maan lene ki aadat daaliye.
Jab daraawne khyaal aate hain
Achaanak aane waale daraawne ya anchaahe khyaal, ki aapke bacche ke saath kuch bura ho jaayega, maaein jitna samajhti hain usse kahin zyaada aam hain. Aisa khyaal aane ka matlab yeh nahin ki aap chaahti hain ki aisa ho, aur isse aap buri maa nahin ban jaateen.
Ek baat jo lagbhag koi khulkar nahin kehta, woh yeh hai. Bahut si nayi maaon ko achaanak, anchaahe, daraawne khyaal aate hain, bacche ko chot lagne ki tasveer, use gira dene ka dar, ya ek bhayaanak khyaal jo bin bulaaye mann mein kaundh jaata hai. Agar aapke saath aisa hua hai, to ho sakta hai aapko sharm aur dar mehsoos hua ho, aur aapne kisi ko na bataaya ho.
Kripya yeh zaroor suniye. Koi daraawna khyaal aana, aur us par amal karna chaahna, dono ek baat nahin hain, aur isse aap buri maa nahin banteen. Saavdhaani se kiye gaye adhyayanon mein kareeb-kareeb sabhi nayi maaon ne bacche ko anjaane mein chot pahunchne ke anchaahe khyaalon ke baare mein bataaya, aur in khyaalon ka bacche ko sachmuch nuksaan pahunchaane se koi naata nahin tha. Ye is baat ki nishaani hain ki aapka mann aapke bacche par kitni shiddat se pehra de raha hai, na ki aapke andar kisi khatre ki.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Ye khyaal isliye itne bure lagte hain kyunki woh us har cheez ke khilaaf hain jo aap chaahti hain. Baat yahi hai: woh aapko daraate hain kyunki aap apne bacche se pyaar karti hain, isliye nahin ki aap koi khatra hain. Aise kisi khyaal ko kisi doctor ya bharosemand insaan ko naam dekar bata dena aamtaur par uski bahut saari taakat nikaal deta hai. Chuppi aur sharm in khyaalon ko bada bana deti hain; unhein keh dena unhein chhota kar deta hai.
Kab abhi madad maangein
Aam taur par aane-jaane waale aise khyaal aam hain aur guzar jaate hain. Par agar ye khyaal itne bhaari lagein ki sambhaale na sambhlein, ya agar aapko kabhi apne aap ko asurakshit lage, ya aap uljhan mein hon, ya is tarah khud jaisa na lage ki isse aap ya aapke aaspaas ke log dar jaayein, to yeh kisi doctor ya helpline se usi din, turant baat karne ki saaf wajah hai. Yeh aapko daraane ke liye nahin hai. Yeh isliye hai taaki aap jaanein ki maangne ke liye ek saaf raasta hai, aur use jaldi maangna hi sahi kaam hai.
Agar koi daraawna khyaal aapke andar chhupkar baitha hai, to kisi ek bharosemand insaan ya doctor ko use seedhe-saadhe shabdon mein bataane ke baare mein sochiye. Aapko use bilkul sahi tareeke se samjhaane ki zaroorat nahin hai. Itna keh dena, "Mujhe baar-baar daraawne khyaal aate hain aur woh mujhe pareshaan karte hain," shuru karne ke liye kaafi hai.
Aap dono theek ho rahe hain
Aapka shareer aur aapki bhaavnaayein dono ek hi waqt par theek ho rahe hain, aur dono ko khyaal ki zaroorat hai. Aapse yeh ummeed nahin ki aap fauran uchhalkar pehle jaisi ho jaayein. Aapko theek hona hai, aur theek hone mein waqt aur sahaara lagta hai.
Duniya nayi maaon par jaldi se "pehle jaisa" dikhne aur mehsoos karne ka dabaav daalti hai. Par bacche ka janm ek badi ghatna hai, aur theek hona koi daud nahin. Aapka shareer marammat ho raha hai, aapki neend tooti hui hai, aapki bhaavnaayein kacchi hain, aur yeh sab ek saath ho raha hai. Aapse uchhalkar pehle jaisi ho jaane ki ummeed nahin hai; aapko theek hona hai, aur theek hone mein waqt lagta hai.
Apni bhaavnaon ko wahi sabr dijiye jo aap kisi bharte hue ghaav ko deteen. Aur yeh baat saaf jaan lijiye: jab mann aur chinta ki aisi takleefon waali nayi maaon ko sahaara aur khyaal milta hai, to zyaadatar behtar ho jaati hain. Yeh koi aisi udaasi nahin jismein aap hamesha ke liye phansi hon. Yeh ek mushkil daur hai jo sahi madad se behtar hota hai, chaahe counselling aur sahaare se, ya, jab koi doctor salaah de, to ek aisi tarah ki dawa se jo mann ko shaant karti hai.
Jab maine khud se yeh ummeed karna chhoda ki main abhi se theek ho jaaoon, aur khud ko dheere-dheere theek hone diya, tab kohra chhantne laga.
Meera, bacche ke janm ke chhah hafte baad
Aur jaanna chahein to
Dawa ke baare mein ek baat, seedhe-saadhe shabdon mein. Koi ek jawaab nahin jo har maa par fit baithe, aur yeh doctor tay karte hain ki aapke liye kya sahi hai, agar kuch hai bhi, aapke bacche aur aapke doodh pilaane ko dhyaan mein rakhte hue. Dawa kabhi bhi ekmaatra auzaar nahin hoti aur kabhi thopi nahin jaati. Counselling, kaamkaji sahaara, aaraam, aur samajh, ye sab maayne rakhte hain, aksar usse bhi zyaada. Baat bas itni hai ki asli madad maujood hai, aur woh kaam karti hai.
Ek tareeka sochiye jisse aap kisi aisi dost ka khyaal rakhteen jo abhi-abhi usi daur se guzri ho jisse aap guzri hain. Ek garam khaana, aaraam ki ijaazat, kuch karke dikhaane ka koi dabaav nahin. Ab wahi ek baar, aaj hi, apne aap ko dijiye.
Madad maangna aam hai, aur yeh kaam karta hai
Yeh aam baat hai, aur iska ilaaj hai. Madad maangna naakami maan lena nahin, balki uska ulta hai, aur iske liye aapko bilkul sahi shabd dhoondhne ki zaroorat nahin.
Agar aap is kitaab se ek hi baat lein, to woh yeh ho: aap jo mehsoos kar rahi hain woh aam hai, ismein aapki koi galti nahin, aur yeh madad se behtar hota hai. Madad maangna is baat ki nishaani nahin ki aap ek maa ke taur par naakaam ho gayi hain. Yeh is baat ki nishaani hai ki aap apna aur apne bacche ka khyaal rakh rahi hain, aur ek acchi maa yahi to karti hai.
Aur yeh sahi shabd akele dhoondhna aapko zaroori nahin. Koi doctor ya nurse kuch chhote, aasaan sawaalon se haule-se dekh sakte hain ki bacche ke janm ke baad aap kaisi hain. Woh chhota-sa kadam yeh dekhna aasaan kar deta hai ki kab udaasi aam udaasi se kuch zyaada hai, aur sahi sahaara kab shuru karna hai. Aapko bas saamne aana hai aur imaandaari se jawaab dena hai.
Kisse keh sakti hain? Jeevansaathi, maata ya pita, bhai ya behen, koi aisa dost jo judgement na kare, aapke parivaar ke doctor, koi gynaecologist, ya koi maansik sehat ka jaankaar. Har darwaaza ek accha darwaaza hai. Jis pehle insaan ko aap bataati hain, zaroori nahin ki wahi sab theek kare; use bas aapko agla kadam uthaane mein madad karni hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Seedhi, bina sajaavat waali baat khulkar keh dena madad kar sakta hai: "Bacche ke aane ke baad se main khud jaisa mehsoos nahin kar rahi, aur main kisi se baat karna chaahti hoon." Yeh ek vaakya hi darwaaza kholne ke liye kaafi hai. Aur agar kabhi lage ki baat jaldi ki hai, ya aapko khud asurakshit lage, to appointment ka intezaar mat kijiye, usi din kisi doctor ya helpline tak pahunchiye.
Jo maa aaj kohre mein hai, woh isse baahar aa sakti hai, samjhi aur sambhaali jaakar, aur phir se khud jaisi mehsoos kar sakti hai.
Is hafte ek insaan chuniye jise aap yeh bata sakein, aur ek vaakya jo aap use kahengi. Agar aasaan lage to woh vaakya apne phone mein likh lijiye. Aapko sab kuch samjhaane ki zaroorat nahin. Aapko bas shuru karna hai, aur shuru kar dena hi kaafi hai.
Yeh jaankari kahan se hai
Aur padhne ke liye
Yeh guide samajhne mein madad karti hai. Yeh nidaan nahin hai. Uske liye doctor se milein.